General Gaming

Dragons’ Tea Party’s Quest to Find Virtual Love Continues

After my fleeting romance with a sickly rock dove named Ryouta, who I met through Hatoful Boyfriend (ending at his sickly demise), I decided to try my luck with a different species, a human. Can you imagine such a thing? The scandal has made things difficult to say the least. I, Papa Squatts, moved into a cul-de-sac with my awesome daughter Amanda where I met lots of other single dads that also live there, very convenient and very exciting. I quickly narrowed down my favourites: Robert (the bad dad), Joseph (the good dad) and Craig (the fit dad – fit as in ooh lala you so handsome and gym 24 hours a day fit. Even my mum said she fancied this one – until she saw the baby strapped to his chest – so you know he’s good).

I went on a couple of dates with all of them, sparking lovely little moments like this one:

capybara investigation.png
Just to clarify we were looking for a toy capybara, not a real one

And this one…

Related image
It’s OK, we just did some whittling, I made a toothpick

And this…

Radiohead burn.png
Him to the DJ, not to me. It’s true though, Radiohead are amazing but very depressing

Joseph ended up winning me over, mainly because of his wife to be honest, she’s a dick and while I was on my date with Robert she tags along and flirts with everything male in the bar so I felt like Joseph needed to be saved from this 2-dimensional Jezebel.

Mary
Yep… Totally my intention

That’s how our relationship may have started (well that and making brownies, that was fun although I did kinda want real brownies afterwards…) but on our second date I was overcome with how sweet he was. We did some dad dancing to spice up the empty dance floor at the youth club dance, finishing off with the move from Dirty Dancing, and then he showed me a surprise Margaritaville he’d set up in the church office just for me where we sat in deck chairs, sipped margaritas and chatted about things. It was so lovely. Here’s a little photo album of our best moments… JOSEPH STORY LINE SPOILERS

 

 

dance3
No one was on the dance floor, our dad eyes connected… We needed to get this party started
dance2
I got Amanda to safety
dance4
Which dance move to impress with first? (I chose the Lawnmower)

dance5

dance6
Hell yeah
Margaritaa
OMG this is adorable, we talked about this before and he remembered, this man is so sweet…
Joseph date 3
Date 3… Hell yeah
goddam
Indeed
Joseph date 4
Me deciding what to yell at the ocean, I chose option 2
HALLELUJAH.png
HELL YES!!!! WOOOOOOOO

After this, my dear readers, we made tender (though censored) love down in the cabin of his yacht (you don’t see anything, it’s all dark screen, very PG). I thought everything was going brilliantly, he’d broken up with Mary… Everything was awesome… Until it wasn’t.

Maybe you noticed how some of those pictures had tear stains and ice cream smudges all over them, hold on to your hats because here comes the emotional epilogue…

Joespeg epilogue

What no
Wait, what?
Joesph back with fucking Mary
No!
Joesph back with fucking Mary what
NOOOO!!!!
Fuck you
You arsehole, you’re worse than your bitchy wife, I can’t believe this, I gave you everything! I didn’t go on my third date with Robert for you!!! You absolute twat!

I couldn’t believe it, what had I done wrong? Could it be that our last date only getting ranked as a ‘B’ meant that things didn’t work out? I was so heartbroken and upset, I can’t believe Joseph would do that to me after all we’d been through. I sat and ate some ice cream alone for a while then Amanda came up and made me feel better. Instead of ending up with a boyfriend I got the World’s Best Dad Achievement.

Amanda end 2
Her face doesn’t look sincere but she totally was, she’s just embarassed

Amanda endWorld's best dad

Amanda is so great, and I’m not just saying that because she made me feel better at the end of the game (Aha! Yes, t’was a game this whole time!) She radiates cool and your relationship is something akin to Rory and Lorelei in Gilmore Girls (if Lorelei was a man) so there’s loads of playful banter between you but also parental responsibilities that, as a single father, you try to handle as best as you can.

In case you hadn’t guessed after that emotional rollercoaster, this is my of course Dream Daddy, a dad dating simulator game but don’t let that kinda creepy description put you off, this game is amazing. I haven’t laughed so much while playing a game (well I’ve laughed at games but not with them, this one is a laugh with game) since I played Portal. It is so well written and genuinely funny. Long term Tea Party readers might be thinking I’m a little biased because I’m a big Game Grumps fan (they created it) but honestly it’s nothing to do with that, it’s just a really good game. The premise is that you move into a dad-populated cul-de-sac with your daughter Amanda, You then meet all the dads that live conveniently close to you in the cul-de-sac and make friends, they add you on Dadbook (a cross between Tinder and Facebook I guess) and through that you can choose who to go on a date with. It sounds kind of weird and lame but trust me, it’s great.

Robert Dadbook.png

So aside from my wonderful whirlwind romance with Joseph what else is great about this game? Well, considering everything is described to you in text and you don’t really see any animation other than characters’ facial features and stances changing, or the shower of hearts and aubergine emojis that appear when you do something that another dad likes (seriously), it’s surprisingly easy to picture what is happening and get immersed in the story. I can almost imagine this game coming out as a book. The jokes are great and all the characters are likeable, except some of the kids, I even actually kind of like Mary, Joseph’s bitchy wife (ashamed as I am to admit this I literally just got the ‘Mary and Joseph’ thing as I was typing this. Eurgh. And their kids’ names are all variations of Chris… As in Christ… Euuurrrghhh.) She has a dark sense of humour which I kind of like and I think she’d be fun on a night out.

Your daughter Amanda is a brilliant character too. Her personality really comes through and the voice actress for her deserves a medal or something because a lot of that is thanks to her – she manages to bring Amanda to life with minimal voice acting, but it adds so much. I want to be friends with Amanda, she’s awesome. We had some great times through the bad and the good, including some surprisingly sweet, sincere advice from your own character to your daughter having a tough time.

cake2
This resonated a lot with me because my mum told me almost exactly the same thing once when I was having a teenage friend drama. Kind of feel bad for giving Papa that face now to deliver those nice lines.
cake
Seriously, your relationship with your daughter is incredible

So to cap off this amazing game, Joseph had to get one last jab in didn’t he… Arse. If he thinks I’m going to pursue him in my next playthrough then he is 100% wrong, that ship has sailed Joseph (or yacht, like the yacht we hung out on that one time… Where you said you *sniff* liked me… And we… *sobs uncontrollably*). Maybe Robert will have me back in my next game…

OMG fuck you so much you asshole.png
Seriously. fuck this guy

8 thoughts on “Dragons’ Tea Party’s Quest to Find Virtual Love Continues

  1. Firstly, sorry you got sucked in. Dude, Joseph’s got “bad man” written all over him. That said, he wasn’t as bad as I hoped (and we’re not talking “secret ending” bad; I mean, he keeps mentioning all those ropes and knots! I had high hopes for him, Mary, and my PersonaDad!). There are a few continuity issues, but the writing’s spot on; and, it’s the second game featuring Game Grumps talent that I’ve been impressed by~ Might want to check out Pinstripe btw–More cute daughters abound, but w/ some heavy feels, yo. ‘S actually a good recommendation for the encroaching holiday season, come to think of it~

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah I did wonder about the rope stuff that kept getting brought up! I’ll play through it again at some point and give Joseph a wide berth though, I need some time to recover.
      I didn’t Game Grumps were involved with Pinstripe, I know they did a playthrough of it on their channel, what were they involved with? That does look like a good game.

      Liked by 1 person

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